Excerpt
“As we confront our own trials and tribulations, we too can plead with the Father … that we ‘might not shrink’ (D&C 19:18). Not shrinking is much more important than surviving. Moreover, partaking of a bitter cup without becoming bitter is likewise part of the emulation of Jesus.” — Elder Neal A. Maxwell
Intro
I thought I understood what it meant not to shrink.
I survived hunger at 14.
I survived selling food to passengers just to eat.
I survived a near-death experience in 1996.
I survived panic attacks and insomnia.
I survived being told I might never work in a high-stress IT environment again.
But this week, after lap after lap, mitts that escalated from 4 to 10 sets, 87 squat jumps from Tyson cards, mountain climbers, pushups, and 12 nonstop rounds of heavy bag combinations, I understood what Elder Maxwell meant. Not shrinking is more important than surviving.
I have survived many things.
This is how I train my body
so my spirit does not shrink.
But survival is not the same as not shrinking.
Notes from the Talk
Elder Maxwell did not ask merely to survive chemotherapy.
He asked not to shrink.
Not to retreat.
Not to recoil.
Not to become bitter.
The Savior Himself said:
“…and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—
Nevertheless, glory be to the Father…” (D&C 19:18–19)
Not shrinking is not loud strength.
It is quiet submission.
Perspective
When I was 14 and hungry, movement became survival.
If I exercised, I could forget hunger.
When doctors questioned my future after my NDE, I refused to shrink. I sought a second opinion. I rebuilt my life.
When anxiety and insomnia threatened my stability, I trained harder. I cleaned up my diet. I disciplined my schedule.
Even today, when loneliness creeps in, I move.
When silence feels heavy, I train.
When desire rises, I redirect it into discipline.
This week I completed 87 squat jumps through Tyson cards. Not to prove something to anyone. Not to impress younger men. But because discipline has been my medicine for decades.
But here is the paradox I am learning:
It is easier for me to outwork discomfort than to sit still with it.
Surviving built my endurance.
Not shrinking requires surrender.
Practice (Today, Not Someday)
For me, not shrinking today looks like:
Training without ego.
Competing without needing validation.
Continuing IT responsibilities with integrity even when exhausted.
Feeling loneliness without immediately escaping it.
Submitting my will when outcomes do not match my expectations.
I once believed not shrinking meant pushing harder.
Now I am learning it sometimes means staying still without fear.
Final Reflection
Surviving builds muscle.
Not shrinking builds character.
I survived poverty.
I survived medical predictions.
I survived anxiety.
But the deeper test is partaking of the bitter cup without becoming bitter.
To trust God’s timing.
To accept outcomes I cannot control.
To allow my will to be swallowed up in the will of the Father.
That is not weakness.
That is discipleship.
Pocket I’m Keeping
“I just don’t want to shrink.”
Not from hunger.
Not from fear.
Not from loneliness.
Not from aging.
Not from silence.
What I Hear Now
“Strong faith in the Savior is submissively accepting of His will and timing in our lives—even if the outcome is not what we hoped for or wanted.”
I know how to push.
Now I am learning how to submit.
Link to the Talk
That We Might Not Shrink (D&C 19:18)
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/broadcasts/article/ces-devotionals/2013/01/that-we-might-not-shrink-d-c-19-18?lang=eng
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